I often wonder why I have such an irrational fear of the post office, stamps, and all things sent in a package. I love to receive packages, letters, and anything with a stamp on it. It always brightens my day and makes me feel really special. I know I am not the only one:-) I think my love of receiving packages stems way back to when the Big Claus used to bring me things on Christmas.
Now I am a champ at wrapping and handing a gift to someone or handwriting a card and delivering myself (although, I never do), but when it comes to using the postal service I am stumped. I have two cards pinned to my cork board and they have been there for almost two weeks! I mean really, I can't even put a stamp on it??? Apparently not!
So, I finally asked my hubby for some help with this "mailing" thing and he said he would mail all my letters if I put them on the cork board and I did. However, I forgot to tell him that one of them was missing the full address.... oops! I am sure the letter will end up back here at some point and I can resend it, but my thank you letter to my grandparents will be rudely late (it already is ridiculously late).
Oh well, right??? Better luck next time. You may be thinking, "Why don't you just call and say thank you to them?" Well... that would get into my weird fear of calling people on the phone... which is a whole different issue we can talk about on another day:-)
Kristen
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Reason Why???
Why did we start this blog a few years ago... The main reason can be found to the right of the screen you are looking at right now. Some of the other reasons are below (along with some pics of us in the old days).
We missed each other.
We needed to hear the gospel from each other.
We wanted to share our lives.
We wanted to be together even though NONE of us live NEAR each other.
Personally, I needed these women. I needed a place where I could let my thoughts run wild no matter what those thoughts may be. I needed this blog for the same reason I needed to go to Elaine's room next door for tea and hob-nobs... the same reason I reread those cards Heather wrote me that have a billion words on them.... for the same reason I only talk to Sara every once and a while, but every time I feel so understood... for the same reason that Kristen just listens to me as I go on and on and on about life... I miss these women.
I miss all the friends I have said good bye to over the years. I just said goodbye again about a month ago when we moved to St. Louis and every time I say goodbye I think it will be easier, but it is still just as hard (every stinking time).
I get that I will see all of my goodbyes in heaven, but sometimes that doesn't feel good enough... and on those days I get a little blue (then I stalk pictures of them on Facebook)!
I miss you guys....
Now for some pics of days gone by... Let's go ahead and play that Sarah McLachlan song about saving dogs...
When I was picking a picture of me and Kristen I found like 10 of the same pic in a row and I know it's because I was trying to take one that made me look really skinny:-) two kids later I think I look like a goddess in this picture.
Me and Sara on our last day hanging out in Chicago! We are so matchy match and coordinated in this picture!
Dang Heather you are rocking the heck out of that dress for JSB!! And yes I am rocking a Eagles sweatshirt working overtime at SMD!
Dear Elaine, You get two pictures... One where u look SMOKIN HOT!!!!
And one where you can't really see us very well, but from this angle I look super fit and skinny and like a bad awesome business lady!
Love,
Kristen
Friday, August 3, 2012
Sister. Teacher. Daughter of the King.
My sister got a teaching job this week! It is so exciting because she has been working towards this goal for some time now and her dream was finally realized. She spent the last semester of school working so hard trying to finish her credential and she did (she kicked that credential's butt).
The problem was once she finished (and finished well), she started the waiting... waiting... waiting for a job to open in a market where jobs are hard to come by. I know she wondered if she would get an interview. I know she wondered if she would get a job offer. I also know her well enough to know that she wondered if she was good enough for an interview or a job offer. Most people would say this kind of fear is normal (and it is), but it was torture as her baby sister knowing she feared she was not good enough.
I have spent my whole life looking at my sister and seeing every AMAZING thing about her and it is heartbreaking to realize that she doesn't see her own AMAZINGNESS.
She doesn't see her beauty
She doesn't see her kindness
She doesn't see her determination
She doesn't see her patience
And a million other things...
Through this "job hunt" process I saw my sister put her faith in Christ to provide for her in beautiful humble way willingly trusting him no mater the outcome. Watching her humility and trust in Christ made it that much more fun for me to see her surprise when she was offered a position!
Here is the BEST part of the story that I am sure she has left out to the world...
SHE WAS THE #1 CHOICE!!!
They ranked all the candidates who applied for positions and she was ranked #1!!!
Not only that, but the schools were FIGHTING over who would get to keep her!!!
I am so so proud of her and this amazing accomplishment. I am so proud of her faith through the process. I know she still wonders at times if she is good enough (as we all do) and I wrote this so she can remember that she is.
However, she is not good enough because I think so, but because the King of this universe chose her to be His daughter before the foundation of the world. He called her out of darkness and into His marvelous light. He stepped down to earth and died for her sins.
May we always be able to tell our sisters this truth. May we always remind them that it is Christ who makes them GREAT in failure or accomplishment.
I love you Ang. I am so proud of you!!
Love,
Krissy
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| I cannot believe she still loves me after this ordeal. |
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| Good Times In NYC |
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| Dad gave us his tickets to see Zac Brown Band... SO FUN |
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Writing in Passive Voice
Passive Voice
I have some irrational fears in my life. I am always afraid my underwear line is showing. I am always afraid I sound a little bitchy. I am always afraid I am not good enough (aren't we all).
I am honestly afraid of using Passive Voice in my writing.
I had this teacher in high school named Mr. Hawkins. I took him for my freshman english class and again my senior year for Bible Lit. (Yes, they did offer Bible Lit. at my high school). Mr. Hawkins was a strong Christian and he was a kind man. However, he HATED passive voice. We would do language exercises in his class freshman year every day. We diagramed sentences and had to find passive voice and eliminate the threat (he was also x-military, crew cut and all). He sent every paper home with big red marks PASSIVE VOICE over every sentence that used passive voice. It was a little daunting. The problem is that it was my freshman year in high school and I cared way more about EVERY boy in my class then I did about grammar (as you can tell by my lack of grammatical skills).
I don't remember much about passive voice. I do remember it makes you look like an idiot when you write in passive voice, it makes you look uneducated when you write in passive voice, and no one will want to read your writing if you write in passive voice. I also remember that "there is", "it was", "should have", and maybe even "were" are all ways we use passive voice and should never be used in writing.
The problem is that I do not remember how to fix this problem (that's where hearing only every other word my teacher says comes into play). I was 15 and I did not give a crap about passive voice. Here I am 12 years later being plauged because I only listened to half of what Mr. Hawkins was trying to teach me (kids pay attention to your teachers).
What does all this mean???
It means I have terrible grammar. My next door neighbor in college Stephanie was a linguistics major and it took her correcting me to figure out that grammericle is not a word, but that grammatical is. My fear of passive voice keeps me from doing a lot. It keeps me from sending emails, writing letters, updating Facebook, and writing blog posts. This is the first thing I have written in 5 years that Aaron did NOT spell check. He used to check all my papers at Moody because I always switch between past tense and present tense... and I write with PASSIVE VOICE!
I think it's funny that this is kinda like God... Yes, I am making Passive Voice about God.
I sit in my room, around my house, at church trying to listen to Him only catching half of what He says. The only half I usually hear is about all the ways I fail and do not meet his expectations. I also hear all the ways I should not be living and all the things I should be doing that I am not doing. Just like Mr. Hawkins I am left without knowing how to fix the problem.
The beauty of God (and not Passive Voice) is that I... I... I... I... cannot fix this problem. I cannot pull myself up by my linguistic bootstraps and make God love me more. I cannot will myself to do the things I should be doing and not do the things I should not be doing. Paul, had the same problem so at least I am in good company:-)
What I can do is remember that Jesus died on the cross. He paid for my sin. He loves me passionately even though he knows I will fail and fail and fail again. For someone like me who likes to go "get it done" it is hard for these simple truths to be enough, but they are.
So thank you Lord, for loving me...
Even if I use Passive Voice.
KH
I have some irrational fears in my life. I am always afraid my underwear line is showing. I am always afraid I sound a little bitchy. I am always afraid I am not good enough (aren't we all).
I am honestly afraid of using Passive Voice in my writing.
I had this teacher in high school named Mr. Hawkins. I took him for my freshman english class and again my senior year for Bible Lit. (Yes, they did offer Bible Lit. at my high school). Mr. Hawkins was a strong Christian and he was a kind man. However, he HATED passive voice. We would do language exercises in his class freshman year every day. We diagramed sentences and had to find passive voice and eliminate the threat (he was also x-military, crew cut and all). He sent every paper home with big red marks PASSIVE VOICE over every sentence that used passive voice. It was a little daunting. The problem is that it was my freshman year in high school and I cared way more about EVERY boy in my class then I did about grammar (as you can tell by my lack of grammatical skills).
I don't remember much about passive voice. I do remember it makes you look like an idiot when you write in passive voice, it makes you look uneducated when you write in passive voice, and no one will want to read your writing if you write in passive voice. I also remember that "there is", "it was", "should have", and maybe even "were" are all ways we use passive voice and should never be used in writing.
The problem is that I do not remember how to fix this problem (that's where hearing only every other word my teacher says comes into play). I was 15 and I did not give a crap about passive voice. Here I am 12 years later being plauged because I only listened to half of what Mr. Hawkins was trying to teach me (kids pay attention to your teachers).
What does all this mean???
It means I have terrible grammar. My next door neighbor in college Stephanie was a linguistics major and it took her correcting me to figure out that grammericle is not a word, but that grammatical is. My fear of passive voice keeps me from doing a lot. It keeps me from sending emails, writing letters, updating Facebook, and writing blog posts. This is the first thing I have written in 5 years that Aaron did NOT spell check. He used to check all my papers at Moody because I always switch between past tense and present tense... and I write with PASSIVE VOICE!
I think it's funny that this is kinda like God... Yes, I am making Passive Voice about God.
I sit in my room, around my house, at church trying to listen to Him only catching half of what He says. The only half I usually hear is about all the ways I fail and do not meet his expectations. I also hear all the ways I should not be living and all the things I should be doing that I am not doing. Just like Mr. Hawkins I am left without knowing how to fix the problem.
The beauty of God (and not Passive Voice) is that I... I... I... I... cannot fix this problem. I cannot pull myself up by my linguistic bootstraps and make God love me more. I cannot will myself to do the things I should be doing and not do the things I should not be doing. Paul, had the same problem so at least I am in good company:-)
What I can do is remember that Jesus died on the cross. He paid for my sin. He loves me passionately even though he knows I will fail and fail and fail again. For someone like me who likes to go "get it done" it is hard for these simple truths to be enough, but they are.
So thank you Lord, for loving me...
Even if I use Passive Voice.
KH
Sunday, November 7, 2010
To Be the Prodigal's Father
Quite some time ago (maybe April) a girl in our ministry shared with me a secret, a struggle, she was in a very tough spot. It happened to be a struggle close to my heart. She told me that in the previous months she'd had a miscarriage. Her and her boyfriend had since broken up, and a child was not an ideal addition to her life. But that didn't seem like it should make the pain of loss any less real. She talked, we cried, I prayed, and we helped her find the right way to tell her ex-boyfriend.
Later that same day, I began replaying the story. Things weren't completely adding up. The ultrasound picture she showed me didn't match her time line, and her responses to a few of my questions were not he replies of a girl who medically had interaction with a doctor regarding a miscarriage. But how awful! How could I possibly accuse her of being anything less than honest, if indeed she were being completely honest, what a wound. So, I didn't.
I prayed, and had a few friends praying as well. I prayed for an opportunity to ask her about it. I made a coffee date. Halfway through she got up to use the restroom and I prayed then for the words to say. I just don't do confrontation- I needed divine words. And I also decided that if it didn't come now I would drop it. I would continue to pray that God would work in her heart and bring her to a confession but I was done worrying about a confrontation.
And that's what happened. That was maybe June or July.
I've thought about it since then. I've thought about how much it hurt me to know, that she would come and sit on my couch with a cup of tea & tears and lie to me about a pain that was still all too real to me (I wasn't yet pregnant with this kicking little girl). Why did she feel the need to confide in me about this? I was hurt, and legitimately wronged.
I still wanted to know the truth. I wanted an apology. I thought maybe an explanation would make it not so bad (but that's not true). Wes kept me in check. I should want to see her come to know the truth, she's a new believer and if this really is a lie, it's a huge block in her relationship with Christ. She must be suffering to fabricate such a scenario. She needs to be restored in her relationship to God, and to her boyfriend. My feelings were just a passing causality, not the real wound. That was still hard to swallow.
Thursday, she called and asked if she could come out after work-- she had something to talk to me about. Moments before her arrival I still struggled with the need for her to know how much she had hurt me.
We sat and chatted, then she got to the point. She confessed that the whole thing had been a lie. Every single bit of it was made up. She talked for a while, and I listened. After her apology, I explained to her that I had been suspicious since day 1. I confessed to her that I had not yet asked her about it, because I couldn't do it with a right heart. And as I explained it to her, I found it easier to focus on the fact that she needed to be healed and restored from this, rather than how she'd hurt me. That her broken relationship with God was the primary victim here. We talked for quite a while more about it. Talked about the others that needed to know the truth, talked about her therapist, and how helpful therapy had been in this. It was a good chat. I told her that I forgive her, and I do.
Yesterday I was listening to Andrew Peterson (who else?) sing about the Prodigal's father. And realized...how cool that we get to play that part? How cool that as friends, sisters, mentors, and wives we can play the role of the Gracious Father. We get to excitedly run to her as she sulks home, realizing her wrongs. What I wanted was my hurts to be validated. But God doesn't ask that of us. We don't pay for lying. We repent from lying, admitting our wrongs. But setting aside our pride is no comparison to the lawful price we should pay.
Relationships and people are tough work. But tough work has such a great pay off. Why am I so afraid to do it? It feels so good to act in the way God acts. To give the grace I've been given. Not in a prideful way. But in the same way it feels good to watch your mom open that Christmas gift you chose and carefully wrapped just for her, knowing its perfect. Knowing that this is how it works.
So there. After months of not knowing what to post to Friday Prayer, a post. I hope it finds you all well, and encourages you!
Love,
Elaine
Later that same day, I began replaying the story. Things weren't completely adding up. The ultrasound picture she showed me didn't match her time line, and her responses to a few of my questions were not he replies of a girl who medically had interaction with a doctor regarding a miscarriage. But how awful! How could I possibly accuse her of being anything less than honest, if indeed she were being completely honest, what a wound. So, I didn't.
I prayed, and had a few friends praying as well. I prayed for an opportunity to ask her about it. I made a coffee date. Halfway through she got up to use the restroom and I prayed then for the words to say. I just don't do confrontation- I needed divine words. And I also decided that if it didn't come now I would drop it. I would continue to pray that God would work in her heart and bring her to a confession but I was done worrying about a confrontation.
And that's what happened. That was maybe June or July.
I've thought about it since then. I've thought about how much it hurt me to know, that she would come and sit on my couch with a cup of tea & tears and lie to me about a pain that was still all too real to me (I wasn't yet pregnant with this kicking little girl). Why did she feel the need to confide in me about this? I was hurt, and legitimately wronged.
I still wanted to know the truth. I wanted an apology. I thought maybe an explanation would make it not so bad (but that's not true). Wes kept me in check. I should want to see her come to know the truth, she's a new believer and if this really is a lie, it's a huge block in her relationship with Christ. She must be suffering to fabricate such a scenario. She needs to be restored in her relationship to God, and to her boyfriend. My feelings were just a passing causality, not the real wound. That was still hard to swallow.
Thursday, she called and asked if she could come out after work-- she had something to talk to me about. Moments before her arrival I still struggled with the need for her to know how much she had hurt me.
We sat and chatted, then she got to the point. She confessed that the whole thing had been a lie. Every single bit of it was made up. She talked for a while, and I listened. After her apology, I explained to her that I had been suspicious since day 1. I confessed to her that I had not yet asked her about it, because I couldn't do it with a right heart. And as I explained it to her, I found it easier to focus on the fact that she needed to be healed and restored from this, rather than how she'd hurt me. That her broken relationship with God was the primary victim here. We talked for quite a while more about it. Talked about the others that needed to know the truth, talked about her therapist, and how helpful therapy had been in this. It was a good chat. I told her that I forgive her, and I do.
Yesterday I was listening to Andrew Peterson (who else?) sing about the Prodigal's father. And realized...how cool that we get to play that part? How cool that as friends, sisters, mentors, and wives we can play the role of the Gracious Father. We get to excitedly run to her as she sulks home, realizing her wrongs. What I wanted was my hurts to be validated. But God doesn't ask that of us. We don't pay for lying. We repent from lying, admitting our wrongs. But setting aside our pride is no comparison to the lawful price we should pay.
Relationships and people are tough work. But tough work has such a great pay off. Why am I so afraid to do it? It feels so good to act in the way God acts. To give the grace I've been given. Not in a prideful way. But in the same way it feels good to watch your mom open that Christmas gift you chose and carefully wrapped just for her, knowing its perfect. Knowing that this is how it works.
So there. After months of not knowing what to post to Friday Prayer, a post. I hope it finds you all well, and encourages you!
Love,
Elaine
Friday, September 3, 2010
"Shrivel Up and Die..."
Someone who really doesn't know me too well said to me yesterday, "If you don't get a job soon and get around people every day, you're gonna shrivel up and die."
My initial thought: "Gee, thanks."
But upon further thought, I realized that she's right. I mean, I definitely have that type of personality - you put me in a new environment and my whole system kind of goes into shock. And that is definitely an accurate description of my experience here in Georgia so far. My surroundings are so unfamiliar, I am definitely feeling culture shock (even though I was sure I wouldn't), I don't really know too many people (although we are SO blessed to have a couple of families we know living close to us), I can't find a job, and I spend most of my day by myself in my house with my itunes blaring. I've found myself resentful of my husband for moving us here, extremely frustrated with the job hunt, and feeling kinda... hopeless. And that's not for lack of trying. I've sent out resumes every day, and I'm trying to make connections with other people in every way possible. I just feel tired, exhausted, and well... dried up.
Last week my husband bought me a plant. It's a Pixie Lilly, and the label says it's a "tough, easy to grow speciman." Well, I beg to differ. This is what my pixie lilly looks like after a week in its new home.
Not real promising, huh?
It was quite frustrating when I woke up one morning and my Pixie Lilly was all drooped over with the petals scattered around it on the floor. I almost gave up and just set it outside to finish dying.
But then I decided I wasn't quite ready to give up on it yet. I watered it, pulled off some of the dead petals, and set it out on the back porch. When I went back to get it, it still looked dead and I was disappointed. So I showed it to my husband to prove to him that I do NOT have a green thumb (he agrees, by the way). When he took a closer look at my little Pixie Lilly, however, he smiled and said, "Hey, don't give up on this one yet - look there's a new little bud up on top waiting to bloom." And sure enough, there was a tiny little new bud, very much alive, on the very top of the plant.
Even as I sit here looking at that rather pathetic looking plant and typing this, God is using that pathetic little Pixie Lilly to speak to my heart. Right now, I do feel really shriveled up - dead and useless. And even though we've only been here a month, at times, I've cried out to God, "God, have you forgotten about me?" But God doesn't work the way we sometimes think He should. Even though from my circumstances and the way I am feeling, it seems that I'm going to just "shrivel up and die" like that professor said, I think there's a different end to this story. It seems to me that maybe there's a little bud about to bloom in the story of my life. I just need to keep watering it, make sure it spends plenty of time in the "Son", and give it some time.
And that's a kiss on my forehead from Heaven. :) Grow up big and strong, little Pixie Lilly.
Ecclesiastes 3:11 "He has made everything beautiful in His time."
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Guess it's My turn...?
Hey Gals,
I am really, REALLY bad at Blogging (obviously) as of late, but I love it and miss it... I guess I'm feeling, like Kristen alluded to, a lack of inspiration. When I went to Moody, I blogged ALL the time, but now I guess I've felt like not enough is going on in my life that's blog-worthy. BUT, as I've sat and thought about it (on this incredibly slow slow SLOW Tuesday afternoon at work), I thought I'd at least send a little post on here to give an update on our lives...
A few of you know that we have been en-route to continue with our schooling since making the decision to leave Moody last spring. I've been working as the manager at the local fitness club, and Shannon's been working at the mortgage company he worked at prior to his 3 year stint in Mississippi. Last year at this time, if you'd told me that this is what my life was going to come to this year, I probably would've gotten depressed. Managing a fitness center for $10/hour is NOT what I was hoping to do post-College (my dad continually reminds me that I had a much better job BEFORE I spent all that money on my education - thank you, Dad). However, this year has been FULL of God working in our lives and through our lives...
First, I have seen God at work in my relationships with my family. Seriously, it's been crazy. It started this summer - Shannon and I prayed that God would give me a heart of compassion for my mom, and God suddenly gave me LOTS of opportunities to spend time with my mom. She started asking me to do stuff with her, and she and I spent a lot of time together. In moments when I would have usually been really irritated and aggrivated with my mom, I felt God holding my tongue. When I went to Bosnia this fall, I talked to Shannon after I'd been there for a week. It was Shannon's birthday and my parents had him over for dinner. Shannon told me that halfway through dinner, my mom asked Shannon how it was for him having me gone. After he replied, my mom said, "I know, it's so hard to not have her around. She's the best friend I have." I was shocked when he told me that. For years I've wondered if my mom even cares about me, after all, she's got 5 kids and we're all kinda messed up, but that word of love from my mom has spurred me on to love her even more. And I see things happening because of it! She started coming with me to a Ladies Bible Study on Wednesday nights, and got tied in with this group of women. Then she started showing up at church on Sunday mornings - she'd slip in the pew next to Shannon and I and then slip out right when church ended. Then, two weeks ago, I went to church on Tuesday morning for a meeting, and I heard my mom's voice. She was in the unemployment support group in the other room, and she'd gone completely on her own initiative. Since then, I've had people coming up to me at church saying how delightful my mom is, and how they can see God working in her life. HALLELUJAH!!! :) To top things off, my DAD has come WITH my mom to church these past 3 weeks!!!!! I can't even believe it!
I firmly believe God has us here this year to reach out to my family, and to bring healing to those relationships.
Second, I see God at work in my marriage. Shannon and I have been so blessed this year to be surrounded by our church family - we have never felt more loved, supported, and upheld in prayer than by our church family. And bless my husband, he goes for it. So this spring when we were approached and asked if we wanted to be part of a "Love and Respect" small group, he jumped at it. This group was sooooooooooo great for us - we found a taste of community that kept us going for the 12 weeks we were in the group. People were honest, and it was so great to know that we aren't the only ones out there (especially at our suburban church) who scream at each other now and then. Plus, we've seen the principals from the study at work in our marriage. It's been great. We've also had the privelege of attending a Crown Financial Study, learning to care for our finances. It has been neat to get on the same page with Shannon about money - especially since we have VERY different philosophies about money to start out from... we are only about halfway through this study, but it's been really great. I also see God at work in my marriage in the hard stuff. We've had major financial troubles, Shannon's dad is dying of terminal cancer, I've had a couple of recurring bouts of depression, Shannon's had a lot of sickness this year, we've had to make a lot of major decisions, ect. ect... God has just really grown us in the way we support and love one another. We still fight a lot, but are learning better how to fight fair, and also how to let the little things stay... little. :)
I firmly believe that God has us here this year to work on our marriage... to take some time to work on... us.
Third, I see God at work in... me! I shared this with Kristen on the phone a few weeks ago, and she said I had to put it on the blog. When I started working here at the fitness center, I had more than a few people raise an eyebrow of concern due to my history. And while I was cautious about it myself, I actually think it's been REALLY healthy for me. This particular health club takes a REALLY balanced approach to what a healthy lifestyle looks like. For example, my desk is right next to our dietician desk, so all day long, I'm overhearing our dietician talking to members about healthy eating. It's so neat for me to have that opportunity, because for my whole life, all I heard about nutrition was from either my mother's perspective (which was incredibly restrictive) or a dietician while I was trying to gain weight. In reality, I have never had healthy food habits programmed into me. And so as I hear her talking over and over again, I've watched myself actually "take on" these healthy habits in my own life. I'm eating more than I've ever eaten, I'm feeling better physically, and I can tell that I'm healthy and I feel... "normal" even in the way I think about food and eating now. Isn't that weird? I think it's such a huge blessing, because I really really feel like my brain is being reprogrammed, and I find that I'm THINKING about all of that stuff LESS and eating well and balanced is coming naturally! I feel like another part of the addiction of an eating disorder is being stripped from me - the thought life... does that make sense? Now, do I still struggle with how I look? Yes, but even THAT is changing, slowly. I'm actually coming to terms with accepting my body, too! HUGE victory, there! I think this is changing because I know I'm healthy and I know I'm doing healthy things for my body, even though I weigh almost 20 pounds more than I did two years ago I know that I'm healthy, and I have that continually reinforced by the place that I work and the people around me. It's been a really neat journey.
I firmly believe that God has me here this year to work on... ME! He's given me an opportunity to reprogram my mind and walk in new levels of healing. Talk about REDEMPTION!!
I had a lot more I was going to write here - about our plans for the future (we are officially moving to Georgia in July) and about our hopes and dreams, and all the things that are stressing me out right now, but I think I'm going to leave this as an altar... thinking of the things that God has done over the past year... and now I wonder...
What has God done in YOUR life this past year? Even if you aren't where you want to be, where have you seen HIM at work?
Grace & Peace,
Heather
I am really, REALLY bad at Blogging (obviously) as of late, but I love it and miss it... I guess I'm feeling, like Kristen alluded to, a lack of inspiration. When I went to Moody, I blogged ALL the time, but now I guess I've felt like not enough is going on in my life that's blog-worthy. BUT, as I've sat and thought about it (on this incredibly slow slow SLOW Tuesday afternoon at work), I thought I'd at least send a little post on here to give an update on our lives...
A few of you know that we have been en-route to continue with our schooling since making the decision to leave Moody last spring. I've been working as the manager at the local fitness club, and Shannon's been working at the mortgage company he worked at prior to his 3 year stint in Mississippi. Last year at this time, if you'd told me that this is what my life was going to come to this year, I probably would've gotten depressed. Managing a fitness center for $10/hour is NOT what I was hoping to do post-College (my dad continually reminds me that I had a much better job BEFORE I spent all that money on my education - thank you, Dad). However, this year has been FULL of God working in our lives and through our lives...
First, I have seen God at work in my relationships with my family. Seriously, it's been crazy. It started this summer - Shannon and I prayed that God would give me a heart of compassion for my mom, and God suddenly gave me LOTS of opportunities to spend time with my mom. She started asking me to do stuff with her, and she and I spent a lot of time together. In moments when I would have usually been really irritated and aggrivated with my mom, I felt God holding my tongue. When I went to Bosnia this fall, I talked to Shannon after I'd been there for a week. It was Shannon's birthday and my parents had him over for dinner. Shannon told me that halfway through dinner, my mom asked Shannon how it was for him having me gone. After he replied, my mom said, "I know, it's so hard to not have her around. She's the best friend I have." I was shocked when he told me that. For years I've wondered if my mom even cares about me, after all, she's got 5 kids and we're all kinda messed up, but that word of love from my mom has spurred me on to love her even more. And I see things happening because of it! She started coming with me to a Ladies Bible Study on Wednesday nights, and got tied in with this group of women. Then she started showing up at church on Sunday mornings - she'd slip in the pew next to Shannon and I and then slip out right when church ended. Then, two weeks ago, I went to church on Tuesday morning for a meeting, and I heard my mom's voice. She was in the unemployment support group in the other room, and she'd gone completely on her own initiative. Since then, I've had people coming up to me at church saying how delightful my mom is, and how they can see God working in her life. HALLELUJAH!!! :) To top things off, my DAD has come WITH my mom to church these past 3 weeks!!!!! I can't even believe it!
I firmly believe God has us here this year to reach out to my family, and to bring healing to those relationships.
Second, I see God at work in my marriage. Shannon and I have been so blessed this year to be surrounded by our church family - we have never felt more loved, supported, and upheld in prayer than by our church family. And bless my husband, he goes for it. So this spring when we were approached and asked if we wanted to be part of a "Love and Respect" small group, he jumped at it. This group was sooooooooooo great for us - we found a taste of community that kept us going for the 12 weeks we were in the group. People were honest, and it was so great to know that we aren't the only ones out there (especially at our suburban church) who scream at each other now and then. Plus, we've seen the principals from the study at work in our marriage. It's been great. We've also had the privelege of attending a Crown Financial Study, learning to care for our finances. It has been neat to get on the same page with Shannon about money - especially since we have VERY different philosophies about money to start out from... we are only about halfway through this study, but it's been really great. I also see God at work in my marriage in the hard stuff. We've had major financial troubles, Shannon's dad is dying of terminal cancer, I've had a couple of recurring bouts of depression, Shannon's had a lot of sickness this year, we've had to make a lot of major decisions, ect. ect... God has just really grown us in the way we support and love one another. We still fight a lot, but are learning better how to fight fair, and also how to let the little things stay... little. :)
I firmly believe that God has us here this year to work on our marriage... to take some time to work on... us.
Third, I see God at work in... me! I shared this with Kristen on the phone a few weeks ago, and she said I had to put it on the blog. When I started working here at the fitness center, I had more than a few people raise an eyebrow of concern due to my history. And while I was cautious about it myself, I actually think it's been REALLY healthy for me. This particular health club takes a REALLY balanced approach to what a healthy lifestyle looks like. For example, my desk is right next to our dietician desk, so all day long, I'm overhearing our dietician talking to members about healthy eating. It's so neat for me to have that opportunity, because for my whole life, all I heard about nutrition was from either my mother's perspective (which was incredibly restrictive) or a dietician while I was trying to gain weight. In reality, I have never had healthy food habits programmed into me. And so as I hear her talking over and over again, I've watched myself actually "take on" these healthy habits in my own life. I'm eating more than I've ever eaten, I'm feeling better physically, and I can tell that I'm healthy and I feel... "normal" even in the way I think about food and eating now. Isn't that weird? I think it's such a huge blessing, because I really really feel like my brain is being reprogrammed, and I find that I'm THINKING about all of that stuff LESS and eating well and balanced is coming naturally! I feel like another part of the addiction of an eating disorder is being stripped from me - the thought life... does that make sense? Now, do I still struggle with how I look? Yes, but even THAT is changing, slowly. I'm actually coming to terms with accepting my body, too! HUGE victory, there! I think this is changing because I know I'm healthy and I know I'm doing healthy things for my body, even though I weigh almost 20 pounds more than I did two years ago I know that I'm healthy, and I have that continually reinforced by the place that I work and the people around me. It's been a really neat journey.
I firmly believe that God has me here this year to work on... ME! He's given me an opportunity to reprogram my mind and walk in new levels of healing. Talk about REDEMPTION!!
I had a lot more I was going to write here - about our plans for the future (we are officially moving to Georgia in July) and about our hopes and dreams, and all the things that are stressing me out right now, but I think I'm going to leave this as an altar... thinking of the things that God has done over the past year... and now I wonder...
What has God done in YOUR life this past year? Even if you aren't where you want to be, where have you seen HIM at work?
Grace & Peace,
Heather
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