I want to quit

So, breaking the fast of my blog silence should probably happen with something encouraging. Maybe by the end of this post it will. But right now I just want to give up.
I'm done being a missionary.
I'm done raising support.
I'm done living with my in laws.
Done trying to make new friends.
Done missing my old ones.
I just want to be done. I'm frustrated and discouraged.
I think life would be simpler with a little house that's my own where I can host my friends, and let my kids' toys lay around. With a normal job where someone pays you to do work for them and you're done at 5:00 (or even 6). A life where I can go to church to worship, not work. (And while we're dreaming, a baby that will nurse in the presence if noise or color).

I realize I'm venting, and that this blog is public and has potential for many people to misread it. But it's here for you my friends. To ask for you to pray for me, my heart, my kids, their hearts, my husband who is also discouraged (not helped by my discouragement)...
I don't want pity- maybe empathy. I'm not asking for support (unless you have 50K laying around. But you don't, you went to bible college too).
Love you guys.
I'll try to be back with something encouraging in a few days!
Elaine.

New Music Tuesday

Thinking of my son and hubbs today as I post this.  I love Andrew Peterson (thanks to Elaine) and every time I hear this song I cry a little at the thought of my son growing up into a man.  I pray he will "Take a ride on the mighty lion - Take a hold of the golden mane - This is the love of Jesus - So good but it is not tame".  I pray that as Judah and your sons take a ride on the mighty Lion they will know the good love of Christ as they grow into men.

Here is the song: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tkvea9HH8Wg

Little Boy Heart Alive

Open the door and run outside

Your little boy heart aliveInto the morning lightInto the deep and wide

Dinosaur bones in the flowerbedRockets in the cloudsIn a fight with a spider's webTunnels in the ground
Winding to ChinaTo the mist of the distant shoreBetter be home by suppertimeBack through the planet core

Feel the beat of a distant thunderIt's the sound of an ancient songThis is the Kingdom callingCome now and tread the dawn
Come to the fatherCome to the deeper wellDrink of the water And come to live a tale to tell
Pages are turning nowThis is abundant lifeThe joy in the journeyIs enough to make a grown man cry
With a little boy heart alive

Kings and castles in the neighborhoodSwords on the forest floorDragons in the magic woodBetter saddle your battle horseFor Fighting GoliathBetter choose your weapons rightFive little stones and a faith on fireIn a little boy heart alive

Met a kid at the railroad trackHe had a stick and a nylon sackI ran to the house to packI wanted to follow

Take a ride on the mighty lionTake a hold of the golden maneThis is the love of JesusSo good but it is not tame

Ever the road goes on and onEver the road goes on and on and on