This New Life

I like to think I am really good at starting over.  I am good at 'unemotional' goodbyes and very friendly with new 'hellos'.  I realize now that my skill set ends there.  I am sad and depressed and torn and excited and crazy all at the same time (well, the crazy goes with me everywhere I just didn't want her to feel left out).

I miss my sister, I miss my friends, I miss my life, I miss the familiar faces of all the people I love and that loved me so well.  I miss knowing where to eat out and how to get to TARGET!  I miss knowing which Target was lame and which Target had the best popcorn (yes, I have a Target problem... don't act like you don't).  I just miss so many of the little things I did not plan on missing.

I am happy we moved.  I am happy that my husband is happy, but I am not happy that I am unhappy.  I should by all accounts... be happy.  We have a great apartment, I look out my bedroom to clear skies and a forest, it is 65 degrees, I have met a couple new friends, we are members at a great new church and I know this is where God clearly sent us, but I am still depressed and unable to shake the memories of the life I had and LOVED.

So I guess the question is how do I look fondly on the life I lived and forward to the new life I have?

I don't know the answer, but I am finally ready to ask the question.  It has been a while since my last post because I didn't want to write some dumb post when this is how I am really feeling.  For now I am just living in this feeling knowing that I cannot magically make the sadness go away, but I can fight to look forward to the future with joy and know that it is okay to miss the past.  \

Kristen