Wednesday, October 17, 2012

I want to quit

So, breaking the fast of my blog silence should probably happen with something encouraging. Maybe by the end of this post it will. But right now I just want to give up.
I'm done being a missionary.
I'm done raising support.
I'm done living with my in laws.
Done trying to make new friends.
Done missing my old ones.
I just want to be done. I'm frustrated and discouraged.
I think life would be simpler with a little house that's my own where I can host my friends, and let my kids' toys lay around. With a normal job where someone pays you to do work for them and you're done at 5:00 (or even 6). A life where I can go to church to worship, not work. (And while we're dreaming, a baby that will nurse in the presence if noise or color).

I realize I'm venting, and that this blog is public and has potential for many people to misread it. But it's here for you my friends. To ask for you to pray for me, my heart, my kids, their hearts, my husband who is also discouraged (not helped by my discouragement)...
I don't want pity- maybe empathy. I'm not asking for support (unless you have 50K laying around. But you don't, you went to bible college too).
Love you guys.
I'll try to be back with something encouraging in a few days!
Elaine.

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