Hey Gals,
I am really, REALLY bad at Blogging (obviously) as of late, but I love it and miss it... I guess I'm feeling, like Kristen alluded to, a lack of inspiration. When I went to Moody, I blogged ALL the time, but now I guess I've felt like not enough is going on in my life that's blog-worthy. BUT, as I've sat and thought about it (on this incredibly slow slow SLOW Tuesday afternoon at work), I thought I'd at least send a little post on here to give an update on our lives...
A few of you know that we have been en-route to continue with our schooling since making the decision to leave Moody last spring. I've been working as the manager at the local fitness club, and Shannon's been working at the mortgage company he worked at prior to his 3 year stint in Mississippi. Last year at this time, if you'd told me that this is what my life was going to come to this year, I probably would've gotten depressed. Managing a fitness center for $10/hour is NOT what I was hoping to do post-College (my dad continually reminds me that I had a much better job BEFORE I spent all that money on my education - thank you, Dad). However, this year has been FULL of God working in our lives and through our lives...
First, I have seen God at work in my relationships with my family. Seriously, it's been crazy. It started this summer - Shannon and I prayed that God would give me a heart of compassion for my mom, and God suddenly gave me LOTS of opportunities to spend time with my mom. She started asking me to do stuff with her, and she and I spent a lot of time together. In moments when I would have usually been really irritated and aggrivated with my mom, I felt God holding my tongue. When I went to Bosnia this fall, I talked to Shannon after I'd been there for a week. It was Shannon's birthday and my parents had him over for dinner. Shannon told me that halfway through dinner, my mom asked Shannon how it was for him having me gone. After he replied, my mom said, "I know, it's so hard to not have her around. She's the best friend I have." I was shocked when he told me that. For years I've wondered if my mom even cares about me, after all, she's got 5 kids and we're all kinda messed up, but that word of love from my mom has spurred me on to love her even more. And I see things happening because of it! She started coming with me to a Ladies Bible Study on Wednesday nights, and got tied in with this group of women. Then she started showing up at church on Sunday mornings - she'd slip in the pew next to Shannon and I and then slip out right when church ended. Then, two weeks ago, I went to church on Tuesday morning for a meeting, and I heard my mom's voice. She was in the unemployment support group in the other room, and she'd gone completely on her own initiative. Since then, I've had people coming up to me at church saying how delightful my mom is, and how they can see God working in her life. HALLELUJAH!!! :) To top things off, my DAD has come WITH my mom to church these past 3 weeks!!!!! I can't even believe it!
I firmly believe God has us here this year to reach out to my family, and to bring healing to those relationships.
Second, I see God at work in my marriage. Shannon and I have been so blessed this year to be surrounded by our church family - we have never felt more loved, supported, and upheld in prayer than by our church family. And bless my husband, he goes for it. So this spring when we were approached and asked if we wanted to be part of a "Love and Respect" small group, he jumped at it. This group was sooooooooooo great for us - we found a taste of community that kept us going for the 12 weeks we were in the group. People were honest, and it was so great to know that we aren't the only ones out there (especially at our suburban church) who scream at each other now and then. Plus, we've seen the principals from the study at work in our marriage. It's been great. We've also had the privelege of attending a Crown Financial Study, learning to care for our finances. It has been neat to get on the same page with Shannon about money - especially since we have VERY different philosophies about money to start out from... we are only about halfway through this study, but it's been really great. I also see God at work in my marriage in the hard stuff. We've had major financial troubles, Shannon's dad is dying of terminal cancer, I've had a couple of recurring bouts of depression, Shannon's had a lot of sickness this year, we've had to make a lot of major decisions, ect. ect... God has just really grown us in the way we support and love one another. We still fight a lot, but are learning better how to fight fair, and also how to let the little things stay... little. :)
I firmly believe that God has us here this year to work on our marriage... to take some time to work on... us.
Third, I see God at work in... me! I shared this with Kristen on the phone a few weeks ago, and she said I had to put it on the blog. When I started working here at the fitness center, I had more than a few people raise an eyebrow of concern due to my history. And while I was cautious about it myself, I actually think it's been REALLY healthy for me. This particular health club takes a REALLY balanced approach to what a healthy lifestyle looks like. For example, my desk is right next to our dietician desk, so all day long, I'm overhearing our dietician talking to members about healthy eating. It's so neat for me to have that opportunity, because for my whole life, all I heard about nutrition was from either my mother's perspective (which was incredibly restrictive) or a dietician while I was trying to gain weight. In reality, I have never had healthy food habits programmed into me. And so as I hear her talking over and over again, I've watched myself actually "take on" these healthy habits in my own life. I'm eating more than I've ever eaten, I'm feeling better physically, and I can tell that I'm healthy and I feel... "normal" even in the way I think about food and eating now. Isn't that weird? I think it's such a huge blessing, because I really really feel like my brain is being reprogrammed, and I find that I'm THINKING about all of that stuff LESS and eating well and balanced is coming naturally! I feel like another part of the addiction of an eating disorder is being stripped from me - the thought life... does that make sense? Now, do I still struggle with how I look? Yes, but even THAT is changing, slowly. I'm actually coming to terms with accepting my body, too! HUGE victory, there! I think this is changing because I know I'm healthy and I know I'm doing healthy things for my body, even though I weigh almost 20 pounds more than I did two years ago I know that I'm healthy, and I have that continually reinforced by the place that I work and the people around me. It's been a really neat journey.
I firmly believe that God has me here this year to work on... ME! He's given me an opportunity to reprogram my mind and walk in new levels of healing. Talk about REDEMPTION!!
I had a lot more I was going to write here - about our plans for the future (we are officially moving to Georgia in July) and about our hopes and dreams, and all the things that are stressing me out right now, but I think I'm going to leave this as an altar... thinking of the things that God has done over the past year... and now I wonder...
What has God done in YOUR life this past year? Even if you aren't where you want to be, where have you seen HIM at work?
Grace & Peace,
Heather
